B A L A N C E
… I say to myself as I try to complete no less than 5 separate things at once.
G R A C E
… I whisper as I beat myself up for only half-finishing 3 of the above-mentioned tasks.
C A L M
… I think as I take three big, deep breathes and try to re-center before losing my ever-loving mind, all before 9 am.
It’s no surprise that being a mom is hard. Marriage is hard. Adulting is hard, y’all. I often wake up in the middle of the night and start having these thoughts about how this “stage of hard” is universal for our age-group. We have so many advantages over previous generations (helloooo technology, social media, online banking, NETFLIX), yet all of those things come with such costs. We’re emotionally disconnected, we’re constantly bombarded with negativity and fake news, we can barely spell or do basic math without a device, and Heaven forbid someone ask me to balance my checkbook.
I often think about how I want to write about it; about how I want to share my story with y’all so that you can know that you aren’t alone (or maybe so that I can feel like I’m not alone). Unfortunately, these thoughts usually happen when a little human has woken me up for this, that, or the other thing… and then I drift back to sleep and often forget what I was even pondering the night before. #mombrain
One thing has been weighing on my thoughts for a few nights, though. I’ve been thinking: if I could give myself one gift this year, it would be to practice what I preach.
I talk with other moms all the time about the importance of self-care, but rarely do I do anything that isn’t directly related to my kiddos. I talk with my husband about relaxing more and not stressing so much, but in the back of my mind (and in my shoulders), there’s a never-ending worry. I relentlessly try to convince my littles to eat a more balanced diet, while I literally had a large coffee and a cookie for breakfast. After a while, it all starts to feel pretty darn hypocritical. I try to live my best life, cherish the moments, and emulate the person I want my children to see, but life’s messy.
I know I’m not the only mom who’s carrying these burdens, but it can be hard to talk about the hard stuff. We’d all much rather focus on the shiny, golden moments when we’re all having fun. But when I have these relentless troubles, I’ve started looking to the Lord to help me find some understanding and to give me guidance. It’s fairly new for me; I wasn’t brought up in the church. As I’ve grown older, my own self-study and self-reflection have grown and deepened greatly. It’s been a slow process; one that has had a definite ebb and flow. One thing has stayed consistent, though: every time I quiet my mind and work through scripture, I end up feeling better than when I started.
I am WELL AWARE that this isn’t the method for everyone—I actually hesitated on even writing about it, because I feel like religion can be a very polarizing topic. The good news? It can also be a topic that brings people together.
Don’t get it twisted- I’m not here to say that everyone needs to run out and pick up a Bible. Actually, I almost want the contrary. I simply want to remind you to find what brings you balance. I want you to find what brings you grace and calm in your heart. Be it religion, spirituality, family, exercise, writing, reading, or some combination of them all. Whatever it is in this world that allows you to feel centered—find it, grab it, and hold it tight. As we move into 2018, I’m going to continue the hard work of finding balance in this crazy thing we call “adulting” and I wish the same for you. Sending you all the love and light, friends.
14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”